sanctity of sight

string me up through these divides
tied tight
and searching
body and mind

we are covered in layers
pulled through the expanse

i divide time through the knowing
and the loss
finding my way to now
start fresh
build it over

find me something brighter
bolder
built to last
that won’t tear me down

tied tight through
weeks
days
moments

breathe in
hold on tight
still searching for the surrender
still searching for the other half of the divide
i feel for you through cracked walls
streamed with light
built to protect

but the time has come to let it burn

burn for surrender
burn for the knowing
time lapses through the expanse

i see flashes of moments
of us bound together
feeling through touch
union of skins
immersed in infinite moments
tied to the soul

i believe it burns brighter
its there in the waiting
the sanctity of new memory
new visions
new life

where soul meets through the expanse
connection built so strong
there is no fear in the knowing
just moments bound tight to connect
it pulls us through to now

and your touch can spin these webs
burn down these walls

and i fall into the surrender

these moments bring us to now

the senses take over
flooded by feeling
feeling felt and heard
seeing in light
tasting in touch

the union creates the expanse
free fall feeling

pull me under

The Responsibility of Universal Consciousness (by Dr. Martin Ball)

todays vision in words

“Like most others, I was a seeker, a mover, a malcontent, and at times a stupid hell-raiser. I was never idle long enough to do much thinking, but I felt somehow that some of us were making real progress, that we had taken an honest road, and that the best of us would inevitably make it over the top. At the same time, I shared a dark suspicion that the life we were leading was a lost cause, that we were all actors, kidding ourselves along on a senseless odyssey. It was the tension between these two poles – a restless idealism on one hand and a sense of impending doom on the other – that kept me going.”
― Hunter S. Thompson, The Rum Diary

“Nobody quite knew what to make of the moon any more.”
― Tom Robbins, Still Life with Woodpecker

“I have a theory that the truth is never told during the nine-to-five hours.”
― Hunter S. Thompson

“I write emotional algebra.”
― Anaïs Nin

“I am an excitable person who only understands life lyrically, musically, in whom feelings are much stronger as reason. I am so thirsty for the marvelous that only the marvelous has power over me. Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn’t impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.”
― Anaïs Nin

“Something has got to hold it together. I’m saying my prayers to Elmer, the Greek god of glue.”
― Tom Robbins

“Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love.”
― Rainer Maria Rilke

“Meet me in Cognito, baby. In Cognito, we’ll have nothing to hide.”
― Tom Robbins, Jitterbug Perfume

“The greatest mania of all is passion: and I am a natural slave to passion: the balance between my brain and my soul and my body is as wild and delicate as the skin of a Ming vase.”
― Hunter S. Thompson, The Curse of Lono

surrender

the moments pass
we fail to begin to see the hours
time divides
and recedes into the background

i have touched numbered days
i savor the moment
each last breathe becomes greater than the next

we wait to waiver
and i miss those days
were the lost moments held themselves true to surrender

i let go beneath the sky
pray for times divide
it envelops me
i sink within
all hope has forsaken me in moments of abandon

build myself true
repair me whole
the break suffered moments of unwinding

but i start fresh
i move forward
stronger in life
deeper in soul

the torn walls lay waste to times divide

sanction these memories
tie me to knots
create and savor
each last touch

reckless abandon can be found again
tied to home and comfort of will

setting of times
that burned deeper in my eyes
and i hoped for surrender

i can see you there
i can feel that moment

time may create us true
or it can separate wills
and leave us to barter
ego preserved
testing of time
and dividing the hope

i will wait for you in moments
lost beneath the soul
and i hold true
i let go of this time

control must be forgotten
lead me down this river
i drift ashore
and find peace in the knowing
that somewhere lies that heart
that can cover up these wounds and fade it to nothing

don’t save the savior
stand with me here
create me home.

she got the honey – mat kearney

my real, your imagined

believe me now
i see the times
we hold these moments
to tear us to nothing

i feel vision
deeper in these moments
wait for the hour
but it all holds still

waivered and wearing
the space begins to fall
i wonder what vision lies ahead
time stops forever
but tells us to move on

was it real
was it felt
was it ever ours

i believed the thought
but never proven in sight

left to wonder where to stand

my fear plays my mind
chains me down
cuts my sight

i hoped for a reason to stay true to the moment

i may be a figment of your illusion
you may be a delusion of my sight

everything is light

new beauty emerges out of old dust
time stands true
we broke these walls
new life was given
time washed away all lies
the hands of fate
play us on

given to the seeker
we build new worlds
time tests and divides
reunited is the true of heart
and our wisdom burns brighter
we design this life

forging forward
creating the mind

++we can build what we came to find++

i can be your dream
you can be my vision

lost souls meet
and carry each other home
breathing life into
what was once forgotten

what we assumed could never be
can be resurrected now

connection through touch
rise up through the ashes
design a better vision
where details and color
meet to create
sight and sound

feeling the embers
you have burned brighter in my mind

i wait
and continue to envision you illuminated

the head and the heart

in your memory, rest in peace.

Loss. It is definitely one of lifes harder lessons. I have never been good with goodbyes and certainly not good with handling the loss of someone I care deeply for. I tend to be heavily guarded emotionally, over time I’ve learned that i tend to invest a lot of my energy into making it look like nothing phases me or I have it all together. Part of that affects how I cope with the passing of a loved one. Yesterday was the two year anniversary of the death of one of the most significant human beings that I have ever known (probably THE most significant). I am not going to even attempt to describe him because no description ever seems to do him justice. He was a beautiful human being and I am really sad he is gone. I know wherever he is in spirit, he is happy and at peace.

Rest in Peace Johnny. You are missed more than you know.

tear it all down, build me new

we define these worlds
separation is the marker
and i hope to breach these rules

lines defined by memory
and rules of our making
steadfast are the times
and deeper is the heart

trying are these moments
as we learn to live
not certain of the hour
where lies the separation

the laws of the land
divides the landscape
etched out in gold
strewn among the stars
tied to the soul

these strings play us like puppets
dictating our movements
seperating our soul
unconscious of the control
we stay fated and repeating

untie me now
freedom can be felt
behind a pair of eyes
that sees through
and into you

i fill up the moment
with truths that are often hidden
and feared to be felt
i reflect the connection

i see your world
i lived there too
guard yourself at will
but i know better
i see what lies behind the walls

i know the story
i’ve written my own
cut from the same cloth
like it or not
i know what you hide
i have lived within these walls to

designed for protection
but they become our prisons

9.17.2011

she sees the stars

 

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these visions are brighter

the beauty befalls me
i get lost in the stars
the wisdom we seek
is there in the heart
my soul opens to the world at large
i take in the living
i take it to heart

moments of wayward movement
i had lost my way
transfixed in knowing
forgotten was all feeling
numbed by life
and pain of the fallen

sad are the times
with loss of the soul
when you feel the feeling
the world starts to fall

i lost my guidepost
i misplaced the view
no longer guided by stars
i fell under

everything is different now
when you come out the other side
fresh beginings
new vision

the purpose is there
the heart holds true
i journey on
with a new set of eyes

stronger in character
purer in heart
open to life
willing to love
accepting of loss

it all mixes together to create this life

part of the knowing
i see you there
your one part of home

we live these lives
and see these ways
follow your road
see the vision through
the feeling is felt
your bliss is yours
and yours alone

i wander in ways
i hope for home
we see where it leads
time never rang true
i dissolve in the knowing
unchained to past
you led me forward
you helped me home
thank you for the vision.

9.16.2011

her sermon, her vision.

i dream of the delving into skins
the consummate connection
the fortitude of life

we mend these bridges
we teach to touch
our solitude only makes vision brighter

and i believe in the drowning of the stars
overcome by a feeling
lost in the mind
but wills connect through life

i see your face
painted like the dawn
we set these times
to meet our souls

missed steps
only made it stronger
i reach for the seeking still

you became my vision
but i tore it all down
self destruct
to self connect

i faltered before
but now times are different
the knowing is better
and i burn deeper still

8.13.2011

she

“Her charm
is in her silence
she speaks
in extended parenthesis.”

———————————–

“They say that I am a poet
I wonder what they would say if they saw me from the inside I bottle
emotions and place them into the sea for others to unbottle on
distant shores I am unsure as to whether they ever reach and for
that matter as to whether I ever get my point across
or my love”
—————————————————

“Talk to strangers
when the family fails and friends lead you astray
when Buddha laughs and Jesus weeps and it turns out God is gay.
‘Cause angels and messiahs love can come in many forms:
in the hallways of your projects, or the fat girl in your dorm,
and when you finally take the time to see what they’re about
perhaps you find them lonely or their wisdom trips you out.”

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“I dance for no reason, for reasons you can’t dance,
Call me an activist of intellectualized circumstance
You can’t learn my steps until you unlearn your thoughts Spirit, soul, can’t be store-bought.”

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“Have you ever lost yourself in a kiss? I mean pure psychedelic inebriation.Not just lustful petting but transcendental metamorphosis when you became aware that the greatness of this being was breathing into you. Licking the sides and corners of your mouth, like sealing a thousand fleshy envelopes filled with the essence of your passionate being and then opened by the same mouth and delivered back to you, over and over again – the first kiss of the rest of your life. A kiss that confirms that the universe is aligned, that the world’s greatest resource is love, and maybe even that God is a woman. With or without a belief in God, all kisses are metaphors decipherable by allocations of time, circumstance, and understanding.”

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“The wind is the moon’s imagination wandering.”

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-SAUL WILLIAMS

save the savior

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we deny ourselves for fear of being found

i hide myself behind walls
for fear of being found
risk keeps me there
when you break so bad
you can’t see right

the mind won’t always let you live again

trapped in tunneled visions
of old versions of yourself
no idea how the world takes you in

i trapped myself in time
lost in now
but aging forward
i hope for more in this life

but somehow burning bridges as they build themselves
stuck in the way it has always been

i believe in better
but i dissolve as it comes
for fear of the forgotten

i need more than what has been
break the fall
i hope for you there

all I can be is who I am
and hope that its better than I was yesterday
I’m sorry I didn’t see this coming

8.12.2011

these times are tied to our souls

my moon becomes my witness
i stand down till the end of times
desire lies in the knowing
the healing of skins
embers lost us always
i begin to see the space in your eyes
wild are the times
we lose ourselves in the days
forever fading and falling
i look for where the space leads you in
i lost it all in the silence
it is hard to break through these walls
built for my safety but never forgotten
i wonder where you wander
and if i will see you there

9.12.2011

she writes the story. time starts itself over. life begins.

we divide these times through embers and roads
the place is often divided between thought and mind
my time spins in webs
captivate the illusion
and pull through till the end

i wander in these places
a search for home
when an illusion is lost
the dichotomy is done

separation between heart and mind
where can we unite the bind

tie me up in moments
bound by heart
restricted in thought

i see these faces
as I walk through life
search for the connect
time stands alone
i feel lost

self contained moments
can only hold you for so long
no mans an island
my place in this is lost

free fall form
where is my landing?

start fresh
as the past begins to erase itself
you can’t remember what you don’t see
heal the divide

i leave you there
gone on for too long

i move forward
design these times
walls of light
freedom to the heart
it begins me new

there is no room left for blame
it fell away in the divide
i gave it all I had
its enough for me now

you cant regret something so real, it became you

free fall reality
i was exposed in the mind
i let you in

i cant see you now
your words never really felt real
i never saw who you were
hidden behind your illusion
construct these divides
paint your persona

i bought the ticket
i believed the lie
not sure where the truth ended
and the lies began

i can’t look back
these times are hard

life or death
i fight for freedom
no longer chained down by memory

new steps unrestricted
my footing is shaky
but true to life

i begin forward
nothing but the expanse
the past is gone
the new story begins

cast the characters
build the life
sincerity in the forefront
reality in the now

you can find me here

9.8.2011

Walking far from home

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my ghosts, their memory

She believes she burnt those embers down to nothing
The price you pay for a last regret
Time was never on my side
And foresight was never in our favor

I felt you before I saw you
Pulled together by the past
I have lost this more than once before

Down to the devil
Deceived by a heart
Fooled into the loss of a life

If I could change it
I would
If I could go back
I would take that on

I would see you for who you were
I would see who I was
I would never let my fear stop me
I would never turn my back again

But your gone
Touched by angels
Slipping in and out of the dissolve of life

And time will do us no favor
Only allow us to sit with these lessons
I didn’t recognize you
I didn’t let you hold that significance
I turned my back on time

And now there is nothing left but your memory
My regrets
And the emptiness that has been there since

Its funny how we spend our whole lives waiting for something
Only to run away when we find it
Too scared
Convinced of its illusion
Convinced I could never be enough

But your gone from this life
Here stands your memory
Afterthought is always so much stronger
I hold you on this pedestal
Its easier to sanctify your memory
Then stand in this life

The irony is there
When you can’t lay a memory to rest
You find yourself repeating its story
New names
Different faces
Get pulled into the wreckage

How do you let go of what has been lost?
I have closed this door before
Only to find it still wide open

Lead me to my path
Because time is of the essence
I can no longer live through your memory.

 

9.6.2011

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